Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Brazilian Hairs and The Coming Election - Ugboja Felix Ojonugwa.




Hmmm This is a short story by a Friend name Ugboja Felix Ojonugwa, so inspiring and i have decided to share it. Its a Satire and it goes like this....

  "What is even so special about all these hair they are wearing everywhere?"

 Zubby couldn't stop wondering.

He has been married to Lucy for four years now, after their five years courtship ended up in a mutually accepted matrimony. Some of their friends, especially Uju thinks that they married each other because of the sweet consonant sound produced by the combination of their both names.


'LucyZubby'

That was the very catchy inscription on those china made rubber buckets. Their wedding souvenir which was even meant for only those who bought the 'Aso-ebi'. Others were given rubber spoons I heard. Am not sure.

After four years, their marriage has become conflicted by many in ordinances. If you might want to call it that. But they are really causing serious problems.

Of late, nothing repulse Zubby more than the several kinds of hairdo Lucy would want to wear every other two week.

Zubby have tried to be accommodative, in spite of the social discrimination that a married woman without any fruit of the womb would face after four years from the family of her husband. Zubby still stood by lucy.

"You keep fuming every time about the hair I make"

"Yes, there are too many of them, and..."

"But I don't use your money. I make these hairstyles from my own purse"

Lucy has grown from a reserve lady she used to be to a recalcitrant twerp. She has no room for self righteous people who thinks they possess the right to ascribe social norms especially for women. People who think they can teach others how to dress, what to wear and when to wear it.

"Maybe it is from all those Chimamanda's novels you have been reading. I heard she talks about women's hair, and what they should wear. Go ahead, but don't border me anymore". Lucy warned.

Like every other issue in their home, Zubby likes to attach a political interpretation.


"I don't blame you. I know all these is happening because the present government has allowed the influx of all these smelly Brazilian and Lebanese hairs into this country. Not that we don't already have enough Lebanese here''

"Who cares? And that is the same reason why I would still vote for this President" Lucy replied.

Zubby doesn't want the current President to return. He believes in the discipline of the candidate of the opposition party.

"By the time Buhari wins, am sure he would impound all these Lebanese hairs everywhere that our women, including my own very wife is glorifying and replacing with their God given hairs".


Their home is ever steaming with 'bants and rants'. Sometimes Lucy would become so angry she would refuse to cook. And Zubby would go outside. To see Hamza. His friend and a supporter of the opposition party.



"Hamza, wollahi sometimes I can't even identify or should I say categorize my wife. With the kind of different hair she makes. Sometimes she's not fine at all, sometimes fine, and sometimes too fine"

"Haba Zubby, are you telling me you don't know if your wife is beautiful?''

"Hamza! I know she's is very beautiful. And that's why I married her. Of course among other reasons. But sometimes, with all these Lebanese hairs she wears, she transforms into a rainbow or sometimes a chameleon."

"My brother Zubby, that's is why we have to vote out this government. They call it transformation government. Everything is transforming into surprises. Kuma I can not feel any transformation in my account balance."

"Exactly what I told my wife. We will vote them out and bring back the glory days when our women used to braid and weave their natural hair."



After meeting with Hamza. Zubby returns home to meet with lucy who seemed excited watching the television alone.

The television station was showing some of the achievements of the government. New railway, Agricultural reforms and More women in power. With most of the women wearing Brazilian hairs, smiling and waving at the excited crowd.
 

Zubby was incensed.

"Lucy, we are no longer going to be talking to each other until the elections have come and gone. Because I know I would be very happy after the elections when my favorite candidate has won."

"Zubby, I would no longer cook for you until after the election when I would be very happy after my favorite candidate has won."



Whatever punishment Zubby and Lucy wants to impose on themselves, it is left for the outcome of the elections to decide if it would continue.

But amids all these, the greatest tragedy is that neither Zubby nor Lucy has a PVC.

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